"Light breaks before it shines" by Becca Braun: about a special mother-daughter relationship, a farting Friedrich Schiller and the question of love or freedom

(novel, 2022, 315 pages, dtv Verlag)

"Dear readers,
'Licht bricht, bevor es strahlt' is a work of fiction, but it deals with topics that can have a potentially retraumatizing effect. These are: Pill abuse, death, grief, eating disorders, sexual harassment, emetophobia. You can find a list of help centers at the back of the book.
Love, Becca"

Cologne-based literary and media culture scholar Becca Braun's debut novel, published in 2022, begins with these words from the author, which on the one hand issue a trigger warning to readers and on the other point out the complexity of the topics addressed in the novel.

Although she dreams of a life in Berlin, Virginia begins her sociology studies in Havenitz, close to her mother Mirella, who is not only addicted to sleeping pills, but also to her daughter's love. In addition to Dilara, Sascha and Benny, whom Virginia meets within a feminist university group, the protagonist also makes the acquaintance of the over-ambitious law student Benedict. Benedict comes from a wealthy background, while Virginia grew up with her single mother, who earns her living as a sex worker, in the small town's trailer park. The two meet at a party, get to know each other and grow closer.

At the beginning of her studies, and accompanied by her Chihuahua Friedrich Schiller, Virginia moves into her room in the university dormitory - "It's the first day of my new old life". But how long does it take for her old life and her toxic relationship with her mother to catch up with her?

Although the blurb might lead you to expect just a complicated love story, the list of topics dealt with in the novel is long: from Virginia's point of view, and with a feminist-clever eye, the reader is brought into situations that make them think about feminism, culture, identity, their own privileges, self-love and self-hatred, racism, sexism, their own prejudices, needs, worries and desires. The novel begins quickly - without a long preamble, we accompany Virginia to her first meeting of the feminist university group and gain a preliminary insight into her difficult relationship with her mother. This comes across very tangibly throughout the plot. With the help of flashbacks from her childhood and the current feelings towards her mother described from Virginia's point of view, fluctuating between love and shame, the reader is able to understand how she deals with her mother. The question of love or freedom, which she is repeatedly asked by Benedict in the novel, can also be applied to her relationship with her mother - taking responsibility for her mother or pursuing her own needs?

"In my worst moments, I'm ashamed of her. I'm not ashamed of her job, but of her helplessness and dependence. In my worst moments, I wish I had a different mother. A mother who lives in an old apartment with too many plants, smells of expensive face cream and researches Friedrich Dürrenmatt instead of reading his texts when she's in a bad mood."

As the circle of friends around Virginia, Dasha, Sascha and Benny is made up of people from different backgrounds, religions, sexualities, etc., it offers further scope for discussing the above-mentioned topics. The successful exchange within the group should be mentioned here. Braun portrays characters who are by no means perfect, even if they are all committed to an equal society and could all be described as woke in a broader sense. What is positive here is how they deal with their missteps: Virginia is made aware of her prejudice in assuming that Benny is gay just because he puts on makeup as a man. Dasha explains to Benny that it is racist to adopt the skin tone of people of color. Both reflect on their actions, listen to the other person, apologize and internalize the criticism. In this way, Becca Braun repeatedly addresses important social and political issues in her novel. However, although it shapes the characters in some ways and encourages readers to think for themselves, the inclusion of so many different themes alongside the larger subjects, such as the toxic mother-daughter relationship, pill addiction, eating disorders and general pressure to perform, feels somewhat forced and in some places too much for a single novel.

However, Virginia and Benedict's relationship is particularly noteworthy - here Braun offers much more than a simple love story between two people from different social classes. As readers, we accompany two people who learn from, support and protect each other:

"Out there is a world defined by pressure to perform, insecurity, calorie counting and toxic parental relationships. But here, on my bed, it's just him and me and the magic in between."

Ultimately, it is not just Benedict's social status that challenges Virginia and her relationship with him. And so the protagonist ultimately has to ask herself whether there is room in her life for the law student, in her already difficult situation, or whether she is just projecting the fears she usually feels with her mother onto Benedict.

Virginia herself shines as a strong, reflective and clever protagonist who, on the one hand, knows what she wants and, on the other, struggles with feelings such as love, responsibility and guilt. Empathizing with her situation is made easier by Becca Braun's light, but also vivid, sometimes poetic writing style:

"I think. About death. He's male, well-dressed and not a dry run. I thought I was immortal. Stable democracy, functioning healthcare system, access to education. I thought I was immortal. There is life. And death. A period in between, not a comma."

Braun also succeeds in making each individual chapter exciting, so that the reader always wants to stay tuned in and never falls into a reading slump. The different storylines surrounding her friends at university and her relationships with Benedict and her mother, which repeatedly run into each other, also contribute to this.

"Licht bricht, bevor es strahlt" by Becca Braun is a successful debut novel that addresses important socio-political issues, portrays interesting, diverse and credible characters and makes us look forward to the author's next publications.